I think I am still...

I joined a writing group recently. The leader gives us a prompt and we all write on it. This month’s prompt is…” I think I am still….”

This is what I wrote.

I think I am still blessed although I didn’t always believe it. When young, I felt full of fear when I entered a room full of strangers. Would they laugh at me or worse, completely ignore me? I’d frantically look for a familiar face and latch on to that person, never to venture into the unknown. I thought I must be cursed and not worthy of friends. How self-centered! I had friends. Why didn’t I see how blessed I truly was? I have an acronym for fear= false evidence appearing real.

As I grew older, I lost my fear of strangers and actually looked forward to meeting new people. I loved to find out about another’s interests, especially if they mirrored my own. Gradually I preferred to find another whose interests differed from mine. It led to more lively conversation, and I learned to appreciate another point of view. I felt blessed.

When I entered real estate sales, I became disheartened by the fact that I had no sales, no listings and no income. I decided to write a gratitude list. By the time I got to the end of the list, I felt better. I said a prayer. “God, You have always taken care of me and I trust You always will.”  I had two sales the following week and became the highest earner for that year. Another blessing.

My mature idea of blessings now includes heartaches. Going through the disappointments of life doesn’t feel like a blessing at the time but usually in hindsight, I recognize it. I went to a retreat in Santa Barbara some years ago. The facilitator gave each attendee a list of rules for life. What I remember clearly goes like this.

You are enrolled in a full-time school called life.

The purpose of this school is to learn lessons. 

You will repeat a lesson until learned.

Once you learn that lesson, you go on to the next lesson.

There is no end to lessons. As long as you are alive, you will learn lessons.

Now, whenever I encounter a negative condition, I think “What do I need to learn from this?”

I trust that all personal situations occur for my emotional and/or spiritual growth

I believe the lyrics from the Kelly Clarkson song:

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

I know I am blessed.